by Megan Sullivan
“There’s a reason why we never went back to the moon” – lack of government funds? A budget not quite big enough to handle a lunar landing? Environmental climate worries? Lack of resources even? All of the above are perfectly plausible and valid reasons; however none of the above have quite the right amount of action, or level of thrill needed to make a Hollywood blockbuster. Audiences crave a whole lot more than just your average, bland and acceptable reasons – they need explanations which defy rationalism and logic by tenfold and carry with them conspiracies and ideas which linger with them, provoking a less than settled night’s
sleep. Welcome the latest lunar landing conspiracy film… Apollo 18.
Rather than me really starting this review with “the movie was diabolical and now I have no faith in the film industry” (which is a lie because if anything it was OK); I ought to start with something I liked about it, right? Right.
Well, the camera work and quality of it was superb, a really beautiful use of vintage looking film and clever editing, making the film look somewhat believable.
Fortunately for this “documentary”, I personally like vintage style film footage an awful lot, so for that I’m going to mark it up by about three points. But now those three points have been deducted. And another ten. For being such a poor film. Don’t get me wrong, it was alright for the first ten minutes until it suddenly became one massive drag and I just had it on in the background whilst I Facebooked and Tweeted… about how awful this film is.
I’ll give you a basic synopsis of what it’s all about – basically three men have been sent back to the moon and they’ve been filming it. So they’re on the moon, and they find a rock which gets into one of their bloodstreams. The rock is of course infectious, and they have to pull it out using some large tweezers (ewwwwww). It’s dull, and doesn’t really make much sense (okay so my description of the film was hardly the makings of anything great, but come on, it’s an infectious rock we’re dealing with here!)
Credit where credit is due however, as the film company behind Apollo 18 instigated a very clever publicity and marketing stunt, where they tried to sell the film as leaked NASA footage of an ACTUAL moon landing. A brave move, and something which worked for a short time…until NASA found out.
The film takes a long time to really get started, and doesn’t hook the audience whatsoever, instead lingering in the room like a bad smell. After about fifty minutes I was seriously contemplating just switching it off as it wasn’t going anywhere, instead running around in constant circles.
I turned it off after about seventy minutes, which is seventy minutes more than I should’ve watched.
In a brief summary now, the whole thing was reminiscent of the Blair Witch Project, so much so that it could’ve been represented as the sci-fi version of it. Of course, Apollo 18 is nowhere near as good as Blair Witch Project, but it was cute of them for trying. By all means, if you enjoy tedious, mundane and wearisome films, then check it out; but if not I’d just leave it, maybe put a bit of Star Trek on even? However you wish to fulfil your science fiction needs, do not do it with this film.